Who would have thought it? Friedrich Merz replaces the yearning for the theater in the Corona Year. Unfortunately, the play is already quite old.
Hall lights on: No audience, of course, because of Corona Photo: Florian Gartner/photothek/imago
Right now, there are a lot of things I miss: the time when I never heard of lateral thinkers. The carefree hustle and bustle in bars. Lightheartedness in general. And I miss theater. Fortunately, there is a solution to at least the last problem, and it’s Friedrich Merz. Before 2020, I would never have thought that Friedrich Merz could be the solution to one of my problems. But you can actually learn something from Merz’s performing art. Curtain up.
Spot on: A Monday in October. A deadly virus is raging on earth. The sun has already set in Berlin. Breaking news: The Nuremberg Christmas Market will not be able to take place in the Corona Year. And: The CDU party conference will also have to be postponed.
Joachim Friedrich Martin Josef Merz dictates a tweet to his social media team ™. Whether he is sitting in an office full of African art while doing so, as Der Spiegel recently found out about virologist Hendrik Streeck, is unclear. But similar to the Streeck vs. Drosten duel, Friedrich Merz is also in an upper-male duel.
The value-conservative hero is no longer just fighting Armin Laschet for the CDU party chairmanship. No, parts of the party establishment are also opposing him. Are we seeing a modern interpretation of David versus Goliath? Or a clever Trump satire?
The net as a stage
In the CDU, the last part of the campaign to "prevent Merz" is underway, Merz announced on the Internet. And: "I have clear indications that Armin Laschet has issued the motto: He needs more time to improve his performance. After all, I’m clearly leading in all the polls. If it were otherwise, there would certainly have been another election this year."
Second spot on the other side of the stage: a group of people in blue hoodies and with paper bags over their heads personify the Internet. Leather gloves hold up printed Merz memes. A chorus of bad puns and self-righteous gloating cancels out the little that Mann is still allowed to say on the other side of the stage: "You’re not wearing me down!" repeats Merz stoically, over and over. Suddenly: All spots off, silence, darkness. After 20 seconds, a voice: "And? What now? Don’t you want to know who’s winning?"
Hall lights on: No audience, everyone has better things to do because of Corona. Only one critic goes live on Instagram: "Have seen the play before with the politics class. Nothing new. Is about guys with gas ballonegos who would rather be important than in charge – same old, slow end of patriarchy. Kind of vintage." A cleaner heaves a bucket of water onto the stage and pours it out right next to Merz. "Please!" the calls out. The woman pulls out the mop and shrugs, "Nah, I’m asking you. Get down now, close the curtain. Because I have to work here."